That’s like a baseball game without the bats. A Bitcoin credit card? So what, we can earn points in the latest crypto Ponzi scheme? A supply of “Balls in the Air” vitamins? So what, we can stay metabolically balanced as our testicles recede into our bodies because we are stressed out about paying our monthly fees to another gift, “Psychic School”?Įxcept for teetotallers, I can’t understand why any man would want a bottle of “Spiritless Kentucky 74,” which is promoted as “Kentucky bourbon without the bourbon.” Right. The Men’s Gift Guide is a slap in the exfoliated faces of men. Don’t waste it after trying the new McRib. If you open this “gift” on Christmas, only “pull the pin” for something momentous, like your wedding vows or birth of a child. It’s like a goose-down duvet that self-detonates at dawn. ![]() He didn’t use it to “commemorate the time that’s passed” since he “quit drinking,” “became a vegan” or “gave it all up and moved to Costa Rica.” That’s weird, especially for a “single-use” product that costs $256. Glenn needed a precise device to track time as he orbited the Earth. Then there is the “Time Since Launch Clock,” a “futuristic-looking glass tube” that’s based on an instrument used by astronaut John Glenn. Why would any man want to climb into bed each night looking like an Ikea store that was vandalized with candy canes? Why? This lunatic is encouraging people to buy men a hideous $170 bathrobe with vertical yellow-and-blue stripes, accented with a red-and-white belt and cuffs. Give me a McLaren and stop running your yap. What does “cin cin” mean? And if I wanted to go “vroom, vroom,” a $250 book on “Ultimate Collector Cars” is most certainly not the “next best thing to a McLaren,” Gwyneth. This one is promoted with, “Whether he wants to go vroom vroom, or cin cin, or chop chop, the stuff to get him there is all here (here!).” I’m sorry, what (what?). Of all the ridiculousness in her new gift guides, the most ridiculous of all can be found in “The Men’s Gift Guide.” Maybe ghosts were spelling out: You got scammed.īut let’s get to the point, which is Gwyneth Paltrow is a man hater. Though last year’s $2,000 Ouija board has vanished into the great beyond. The Goop Gift Guides 2021 - separated into categories, including Lovers, Kids, Hosts, Wellness, Travelers (sic), Cooks and so forth - are as ridiculous as before. I should call my parents and yell at them for the Rubik’s Cube they got me in 1984. But maybe it pays for itself if that woman is supervising her kids as they play outside all winter because she splurged $46,000 on the Bubble Gum Gym with Gold-Plated Details and Lacquered Wood.Ī personal playground that costs more than a Honda Accord? Not sure why anyone would pay that for a neon pink beanie. If there are women who are gaga for Goop - the $508 Elder Statesman Watchman Cap is already sold out - live and let live. ![]() That way, I wouldn’t see her rolling her eyes under the tree.īut what I hope even more is that she never buys me anything Gwyneth is selling. Now I’m wondering if I should buy my wife the $322 Kiki de Montparnasse Beaded Blindfold for Christmas. ![]() The Goop Gift Guides 2021 arrived on Tuesday. Goop Gift Guides are what would happen if there was a coup in the North Pole and Santa was overthrown by preening insurgents, each in a $332 Fleur du Mal Bouquet Lace Strapless Bustier. I look forward around now to scrolling through Gwyneth’s Goop Gift Guides. Gwyneth could hawk one $500 sock - the bare foot promotes prehistoric ambling while boosting postmodern orgasm - and “Uni Hosiery” would be a trend. If Gwyneth Paltrow sold a $2,000 Moonbeam Dust Bunny, seismographs around this planet would go haywire as fans slapped down their Visas and Mastercards.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |